And I’m feeling…good

This past month has been a whirlwind of emotions. I have had some great highs and incredibly dark lows. I decided, after much worry, mornings spent vomiting bile, and nights spent tossing and turning that I needed to see a doctor for anxiety.

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After my visit, I began diligently taking my medicine believing that this small little white pill was going to be the cure for all that had been mentally taxing me.  The heartburn medication I’m on has been helping, but the anxiety medication…not so much. I’ve spent countless nights with a mind on  overdrive. Finally, I decided to pray. I had been journaling with God for some time, but I wasn’t really trusting him To help me. When I finally really looked at my issue, I realized that I was banking on guarantees that don’t exist. I mistakingly thought if I could just get x to go right then nothing else will go wrong but that’s not true. The minute that I realized that getting x doesn’t ever guarantee that y and z will follow, I finally felt myself relax a little. Now, maybe I could have waited a bit longer for the medication to “work” but it’s there if I really need it. Hopefully, I can silence my own thoughts by resting in the assurance of never being alone; I may not have many guarantees in life, but I do have God.

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