Last night I had a dream. In the dream all the sudden a pediatric psych unit appeared at my current job and they took me from being a chemo nurse to being a pediatric psych nurse. All I kept saying was “but I’m a chemo nurse!”
I love my job. Even on the toughest days I can’t imagine doing anything else at this point in my career.
Just a few weeks ago in the span of 48 hours in my work e-mail we had 6 obituaries of patients. Since then there have been a few more to follow. Many of these were moms with young children. My heart broke for these families, especially as the holidays approach they will face a new emptiness. That isn’t easy.
But despite what many may think, my job is not always sad news. Recently I have also had the privilege to dance and give big hugs to many patients as their news has been “the scan shows no evidence of residual disease”. I think at times I may be almost as nervous as the patients and their families as we await the results of the scans.
Both sides of my job I will remember for years to come. These patients touch my life in more ways than they could ever know.
I’m thankful to be gifted with the opportunity to work with such an incredible population of people.
Here is a list of what they teach me everyday:
1. They teach me what it looks like to be brave. Whether this is in plowing forward even when there seems to be no hope or breaking down in tears and letting the fact that they are having a bad day shine through.
2. They teach me what it is like to balance getting weekly chemo, working part time, and being the primary caregiver for their kids.
3. Their family members teach me what it truly looks like to serve one another.
4. I get to see some of the strongest marriages that exist. It is incredible what a powerful team can fight together.
5. They teach me how to be real. How to talk about insecurities and be ok with them.
6. They teach me how to be honest.
7. They teach me what it means to live each day to its fullest.
8. They teach me what it means to fight with all the strength one has,
9. They teach me grace in letting go.
10. They teach me what really matters in the day to day life.
11. They remind me that the only moment we have is right now.
12. They teach me what grace in suffering looks like.
13. They teach me that scars are beautiful
14. They teach me that life is a gift.
15. They teach me how to laugh and smile amidst the trial.
I could go on and on. But I won’t. At the end of the day the air I breathe seems a bit sweeter. The health of my family and friends seems a much bigger blessing. I hang on a bit longer to that hug of a loved one. I forgive quicker. I embrace the struggles in life as learning points. I worry less about the small things. I am more careful about how I spend my time. I love more deeply.
To each of the cancer patients and their families out there, know that I feel incredibly blessed to walk through this tough journey with you.
This Thanksgiving, let’s all take a little more time to focus on the things that do matter and focus less on the things that don’t matter. Let us each reach out to those people who are struggling through the Holidays and help them to feel loved if even only for a moment. Let us forgive our families and hug them tighter. Let us take more pictures and laugh harder. And let us all continue to walk through this journey called life one more brave step at a time.