How to Build Positive Relationships

I’m sitting on an airplane, drinking a gin and tonic, contemplating what makes for a healthy relationship. My husband, whiskey in hand, looks over my shoulder, raises his glass and chimes in with, “lying, sarcasm and alcohol. You’re welcome.” You wouldn’t know it by his suggestions, but he is actually pretty good at relationships.

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There are a million and one things to read on healthy relationships – so many so that contributing without being trite or formulaic is a struggle. We’re in relationships with people every day. From our coworkers and neighbors to our family and friends – everyone we encounter on a consistent basis. Everyone is different; what works for some does not work for others. All too often, we know what we don’t want in relationships with friends and family because we recognize what unhealthy looks like, especially in relationships outside our own. Unfortunately, too often in our own lives, even if we know we are practicing unhealthy relationships (which a lot of times we aren’t even aware), we don’t know how to do otherwise. Continue reading “How to Build Positive Relationships”

When an Ex Ruins a Passion

I love fitness, health, nutrition, and the joys of watching someone transform their lives. I love this just as much as I love working with cancer patients. So why for the last 3 years have a done this minimally and from a distance? Part of it was that I was getting my nursing career underway and I allowed the excuse that it took up all my focus to get away. The real reason I ran away? Because for a year straight I was in an on again off again relationship with a man who shared this passion and interest. So much so that he spoke with me many times of us working together and we spoke of sharing the same dreams I’ve had since I was a teenage girl. That dream incorporates a place where I can both serve and love on people and their families with cancer and those desiring to live a healthier life. But I let that dream disappear. I stopped chasing it because for a long time it was far too painful.

There are far better thing ahead than

 

Continue reading “When an Ex Ruins a Passion”

Single During the Holidays – It Really is OKAY

Today I had the privilege of taking care of one of my favorite patients. He is an older gentleman and often forgets what he asked me the week before. As a result, some of his questions repeat themselves, including his advice. It is a regular question to ask me if I am married and when I answer no, if I am dating someone, I then say no again. His response is always “and that is okay!”

But today he went on to tell me more. He went on to tell me how he has 2 daughters and that he always talked to them about waiting for the right one, no matter how long it took. He was encouraging me as he told me his one daughter had to wait until she was 30, but for both of his daughters how he couldn’t find a better guy for each one of them even if he had interviewed guys for 100 years straight. He didn’t make me feel sorry for being single, he didn’t tell me I was doing it wrong, he just encouraged me that waiting for the right one is the important fact. He assured me that where I am now as a 28 year-old-single women, is okay, in fact, that there is nothing wrong with it. He didn’t make me feel like less of a person or less interesting because I have no husband or kids at home yet.

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Some day I hope to have more than just my own feet, but I’m beyond thankful for this time of growing and learning as a single woman.

Continue reading “Single During the Holidays – It Really is OKAY”

Being You

Friday was the day of great revelries with costumes, candies, and corpses. The one day of the year when you are allowed to be what you are not. Or is it?

husband eating #baconcorndog #glutenfree #cheater #ilovefood #irony
Husband eating #baconcorndog #glutenfree #cheater #ilovefood #irony

In today’s society of electronic media and online social networking, we can be whomever we want to be at any time. Everyone has the tools to be a celebrity – perfect selfies, enlightening foodie shots, posting statuses perfectly crafted to make every moment as dramatic as possible. That is what people see. That is what we want people to see. But it isn’t everything. Continue reading “Being You”

What Speaks to You?

More often than not, if you ask people what speaks to them, they’ll say music, art, or films. Recently, I have been having a difficult time finding what speaks to me. Music has always been my go to; however, my music has become a bit clouded by memories of people. It’s funny when you share the things that speak to you with others, they then become these things that are no longer yours. So, what I’m going to try and do for the next few weeks is to work on finding what speaks to me. I don’t want to share these new things with anyone.

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The guy that I had been dating for a few months told me once, “there are some things that need to be just yours; no one else gets to know them.” While we didn’t agree on a lot, I have to say that he’s right about this. It’s okay to have something in your life that you don’t share. It’s okay to have things that make you smile; you don’t need to tell everyone every detail. And having things that are ‘yours’ doesn’t make you selfish. What does more damage? Keeping some things to yourself or revealing everything to the wrong people? I’d encourage all of our readers to find just a few things that speak to them and them alone.

Happy searching!

And one single remains….

On Friday I had the privilege of celebrating my little brother’s engagement! It is hard to believe he is old enough to be headed toward marriage, but he is. With his official proposal that means I am the last child and the last cousin single. I’ve always been the single one. I’ve dated some, but the majority of my life since I became of dating age has been single and honestly, I’m thankful.

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I called to talk with my aunt yesterday because she has some medical issues going on and my aunt being my sweet aunt she is asked “how are you doing with the engagement?” Tears filled my eyes, not because I’m single, but because I know my aunt. She loves me where I’m at and is okay with me being single, she just wanted to make sure I was okay with it. The hardest part about being single for me is when other people aren’t okay with me being single.

Let me be honest (confession here), my biggest dream is to be married and have a family, but its not my only dream. I’m incredibly grateful for this time being single. I’ve obtained 3 degrees, 2 certifications, 1 license, lived in 3 new states, gotten to develop my own decorating taste, continue to figure out more of who I am, had time to volunteer… the list is endless.

And now I am checking another thing off the list, I am getting a dog (which has been an adventure in and of itself!). I don’t want to not live because I don’t have a significant other. I am planning out finances to buy a place because I don’t know when or even if that person will walk into my life. But I do know this, I was created for a purpose and my purpose is not any less because I don’t have a significant other.

So let me be honest, I am perfectly okay with where I am at. I am excited for what I can do in this season. It isn’t always easy, but I want to make the most of it so that when Prince Charming does walk into my life I can say I’ve spent my time well and I am the best person I can be for him.

Let’s be thankful for the different stages of life together!

Great blogs on this recently:

1. http://convergemagazine.com/26-unmarried-and-childless-8736/

2. http://shaunaniequist.com/significant-without-significant/

Science of Hand Holding: Viva la Revolucion!

“…Hold my hand and we’re halfway there
Hold my hand and I’ll take you there,
Somehow, someday, somewhere.”
Westside Story, ‘Somewhere’

I am a person who very much craves real human interaction. Sorry (not sorry), but texting just doesn’t cut it for this girl! I do have to agree that technology has improved communication, but it has also damaged people’s real ability to socially engage with one another. Have you ever tried to hold a conversion with someone face to face and realize it is so awkward? We don’t know how to simply converse anymore. It is an art form to converse. We are also very anti-touch and need our “personal space”. We don’t want to be touched or bothered. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was a contributing factor to depression or other anxiety disorders. I feel happier when someone gives me a hug! It makes me want to go up to strangers and give them freely a hug. You know that too could get a little awkward, as some people just don’t know how to receive them. Well all of this got me thinking about the good ole days. When the most intimate of PDA’s was simply hand holding! This was all pre-sexual revolution of course. Continue reading “Science of Hand Holding: Viva la Revolucion!”

Family Ties

com·mu·nal

adjective kə-ˈmyü-nəl, ˈkäm-yə-nəl
: shared or used by members of a group or community
: relating to or involving members of a commune (sense 1)
: relating to a situation in which you are doing something with other people

As of now, my husband, toddler, and I have been living upstairs at my in-laws home for almost two months. Despite popular belief, it’s actually working out quite well. My little family lives upstairs where we have our rooms, a bathroom and a little living area. It’s cozy and we are trying to make it our own for the time we are there, but it is also just what we need for the moment.

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Continue reading “Family Ties”

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